50 Things You Never Say To A Traffic Police
1. Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
2. Can you hand me your walkie talkie?
3. Care for a coffee?
4. Whatever you do, don't search my trunk.
5. What exactly is "legally drunk"?
6. So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
7. I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect world record.
8. Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three to see who's more game?
9. If I were you I'd let me go!
10. Met your quota? Happy now?
11. I want your license number and your superior officer's name right now!
12. You should give the ticket to my unreliable cruise control.
13. Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
14. If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
15. Whaf's wong, ossifer, thire's no blood in my alcohol?
16. There is no alcohol in my car, sir, the last traffic police got it.
17. Stare at his motorcycle lights and say "Look at the pretty colors!"
18. (After receiving a ticket) Thanks alot, Officer Retard!
19. Oink, Oink!
20. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
21. Wanna race to the station, Hotshot?
22. Are you just mad at me because you couldn't go home?
23. You can't do that, this isn't my car!
24. You look a little slow today, what, too much coffee breaks?
25. I normally keep all that junk right here (pointing to the dash
board), but you see, this isn't my car, and uh, right! This isn't
my beer either!
26. Come on write the stupid ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
27. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Doughnuts has a 3 for 1 special!
28. Can I borrow that pen? Thanks, just wanna break it so ya can't write me up!
29. Could ya leave me alone for a sec? I just want to finish this beer.
30. Hey! That's my beer!
31. Leave me alone! Go eat some food or something.
32. No officer! That beer is my friend's. No, he's sitting right there!
Don't you see him?
33. Yes, officer I saw your flashing lights, but you didn't seem to
be catching me, so I assumed you were after someone else.
34. Hey, you must'a been doing about 200 kmh to keep up with me! Good job!
35. Sorry, officer, I didn't realize your speed radar detector wasn't plugged in.
36. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
37. Hi officer, do you mind holding my beer while I find my driver's license?
38. You know, I was going to be policeman, but I decided to finish university instead.
39. Bad policeman! No break for you!
40. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no
other cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
41. You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
42. Didn't I see you get beat up last week on "Crimewatch"?
43. I bet I could grab that pen before you finish writing my ticket.
44. (chant) Yamma, Yamma, Yamma, Yaaammmaaa!
45. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The policeman yesterday only gave me a warning too!
46. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
47. So, are you still a meany because your mamma didn't let you play with your bicycle when you were little?
48. Hey, is that a Pilot G-1? That's nothing compared to this gold plated Parker.
49. When you smack the heck outta me, make sure you smile pretty for the video camcorder.
50. Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
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